Sometimes the voices we trust the most are the ones that are quietly undermining us. This reflection is an invitation to notice the ever-present hum of self-doubt - not as a personal flaw to fix, but as a learned story we've been carrying for too long. In seeing it for what it truly is, a different possibility begins to open: the freedom of realizing there was never anything wrong with you to begin with.
This reflection explores the deep-rooted feeling of "not enough" - the quiet inner voice that shapes so much of our behavior without us even noticing. It shows how this voice is not a truth about who we are, but a conditioned lens that we have been taught to look through. Instead of trying to fix or improve ourselves endlessly, this blog and this post invites a shift in perspective: to see that we are already whole, and that real change begins not with striving to do and be more, but with seeing that we are already that.
Let's talk about that relentless little voice that says you're not enough.
That mostly uninvited voice that creeps in after a meeting.
That replays what you said - or didn’t say. It's almost like it whispers:
“Could've done better."
"Not smart enough.”
“Not clear enough.”
“Not strong, kind, assertive, grounded, wise enough.”
It’s the same voice that shows up before you even open your mouth.
You know you want to say something, but that voice pulls you back - because what if I take up too much space? What if they think I'm ___ (fill in the blank)?
It doesn’t yell. It doesn’t need to.
Because it’s been with you for so long, you hardly even notice it anymore - it’s just become your truth.
But what if it’s not your truth? I know that it is really hard to even imagine, but what if this little voice and everything it whispers to you is not you, but just a story about you?
What if this “not enough” isn’t a fact about who you are, but a lens, like the lens of sunglasses, you’ve been taught to look through? Not on purpose, not in a mean way, but never-the-less something you have been taught - and then believed.
Most of us were never shown what we really are underneath all the performance. Why is that?
It’s hard to say, but for centuries, we've been surrounded by systems and stories that kind of simultaneously both suggest and confirm that we are fundamentally flawed.
That we’re born lacking something. Something is missing.
That we need to prove, earn, or earn our place..
No one meant to harm us with these ideas. But they shaped us.
And over time, they began to feel like truth.
We were praised for being helpful. Quiet. Kind. Capable. Good.
And shush'ed, silenced, or shamed when what we did or said didn’t match what others expected - or thought acceptable behaviour.
We learned early how to shape ourselves to fit in - and how not to be “too much.”
It was instinct. It's about survival. No matter how loving our caretakers were: we needed someone to care for us - and for them to want to care for us, we had to figure out how to be acceptable. How to stay safe. How to "belong".
Over time, we got so good at it, we forgot we were performing at all.
And then we’re taught that we need to spend the rest of our lives fixing and improving ourselves - because naturally, we've interpreted all we have learned as not being good enough as we are. We are always being pushed to try harder, be more, do better. Be better.
Because something is missing - and until we find it, we can’t be “right” - and if we are not "right" we cannot find peace.
But no matter what we do to fix or improve, that quiet sense of something missing never really leaves.
It’s right there, just beneath the surface - that little whisper.
But. That voice - that constant whisper - is not the enemy. It’s like a sign on the road. A clue.
It will tell you, again and again, that something outside of you will finally make you feel enough.
But when you start hearing that voice - not just listening to it - you begin to see it for what it is:
an endless stream of conditioned (learned) thoughts that sound real, but aren’t actually you.
Here’s the shift which I will continuously invite you to experience:
There is nothing wrong with you - you are not a project that you have to keep working on.
You are not a problem, but that little voice makes it seem as if you are.
You are already whole - even if it doesn’t feel that way yet.
That feeling of not-enoughness is not a truth, it's not proof of your 'inadequacy'.
It is proof, however, of the constant inner tension it takes to keep pretending you’re not already whole.
If something in this resonates - if you recognize yourself here - I want to offer you a simple starting point.
I’ve attached a self-inquiry questionnaire (called the NETI Questionnaire) - not as a test or a tool for fixing, but as a mirror.
A quiet invitation to notice where you’re actually standing - before you try to change anything at all.
Because real change never begins with effort.
It begins with seeing.
With so much love,
Suzanne
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If this reflection resonates with you, you’re warmly welcome to join my mailing list for weekly insights like this - gentle reminders of the wholeness you already are.
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